Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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