saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Randomize
