WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
