did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Even my vagina gasped.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
These tits shall not be calmed
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
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