the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
