so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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