once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
