Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
