bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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