When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
