I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Randomize
