Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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