Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
