Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
being pregnant is like rehab
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
