he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
