imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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