my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
