just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
