Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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