I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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