ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
