By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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