The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
