someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
