Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
