Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Watching her eat just hurts me
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
