He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
