Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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