Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
bring money and cleavage
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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