Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
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