this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
