Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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