Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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