I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
