What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
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