I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
