half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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