i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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