I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
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