dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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