About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
