I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
