are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
