Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
