A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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