I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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