birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Randomize
