Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
