Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
