i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
