Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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