I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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