Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
