worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
