i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
