My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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