First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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