My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
