i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
