I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
