Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
