I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
