I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
