I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
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