So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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