Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
