he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
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