five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Randomize
