i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
