I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
