i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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