New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
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