i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
