Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
